This is the principal initiation rite for those visitors to Luton who fall in love with the town (and who does not?) and who want to get quickly ‘into the swing’ of things.
The visitor or ‘mockingstock’ is centred in the public square in Castle Street, upon the mound where the autos-da-fe are famously held in January. Assorted townspeople then take turns to throw cow pats at him or her. If any person misses three times in succession s/he takes the place of the mockingstock.
This merry game can continue all day, refreshed by ale and little cakes, until all participants smell like a cowshed!
It is quite authentic. A 'dwyle' is Middle English for a flannel. To 'flunk' is to toss. So you will often hear students in the street, who have failed their exams, cry gaily to each other: ‘I flunked my dwyle!’. To this, the polite response is: ‘Wailawai! Du-cat awhee.’ (‘Oh dear, God preserve you’.) They will then buy you an ale.
Mole coursing
A cheap transistor radio tuned to Radio 1 is set above a mole hill, beneath an upturn
ed plate. (Yes, some BBC transmissions can still be heard in Bedfordshire, given a westerly wind, despite the laudable efforts of the City Fathers to block them.)As such music is offensive to all sentient life, the mole rapidly evacuates in the direction of another person’s garden. As a bonus, adjacent weeds also perish at once.
Townspeople assemble in all gardens thereabouts, armed with ale and mattocks. When the mole appears, it is clouted into submission, put in a cage and released unharmed in Hertfordshire.
During the county-wide mole coursing festivals in September, entire tracts of the county can be rid of moles in this way. This is a most important preliminary to the November jousting season. Heavily armoured horses can trip all-too easily in mole holes.
Wasp coursing
This is a legendary sport in Luton and the surrounding environs. A long piece of
white cotton is tied around the abdomen of a wasp. The vexed insect is then chased with wild halloo across the great conservation lands of Capability Green until it disappears into its nest. The nest is then removed, pulverised and used in place of peat in potting mixes.Whoever locates the wasp nest first must cry ‘So ho! So ho!’. S/he is then rewarded with a kiss by the mayor.
Wasp coursing is considered, by the inhabitants of Hertfordshire, to be altogether more desirable than Mole Coursing (see above).
