After a steamy day at the Luton Lido, there is nothing more refreshing than a slow amble down George Street at 4pm. This is the Courting Hour when local people stroll, in strict accordance with custom: the men proceeding eastwards upon the north pavement and the women westwards to the south.Parasols are bobbed and top hats doffed and the old etiquette of the fan is still observed. If a lady taps her fan tremulously upon her left cheek, while smiling at a man, it means ‘advance at your own risk’; two sharp taps mean ‘come here at once’; but three taps in brisk succession plus a frown mean ‘beware’.
This may connote either ‘my husband is standing behind you’ or 'I am currently in my courses' or ‘your trousers have suddenly grown a third leg in a place that would surprise your tailor’. However, a tap upon the right cheek, plus a wink, will always indicate ‘Try again tomorrow’.
All this is my w
icked preamble to keep you in suspense! For I now mean to tell you about the marvellous ‘street food’ arcade that stretches from the clock tower at the west of George Street to the famous town pissoir at the east, that gave Chevallier the inspiration for Clochemerle.Proceeding from the pissoir end, you will see the Cockney Eel & Mash booth before you. Pick out your own live eel from the aquarium - it was probably caught just the day before from the river Lea! The smiling costermonger will stun, skin, chop and fry it for you while you wait. It is served on oiled papers and eaten with the fingers.
As you stroll up the street, licking your fingers, you will discover a sumptious array of buffet tables arrayed with mountain oysters, humble pies, galingale suckets, saffron sweetmeats, curried goat and llama nibbles - all garnished with local samphire.
Rising about them will be great tiers of sushi and dum sim micturated in Stum, Luton’s own fermented plum liquor, and served with wild rice from the Harpenden plantations.
Be sure to stop at the hogglers’ stalls under the town clock to buy a bag of ‘fidgets’, tiny crayfish pies no bigger than thimbles. You’ll want to munch on them later as you watch the Morris dancers perform gaily in your inn courtyard!
Note: if by chance you bump into a local passerby on the pavement who is walking in the opposite direction, it is essential that you step at once into the gutter and let the other person ‘take the wall’. Personally, I think the failure to observe this simple etiquette is wholly responsible for the bad reputation acquired of late by tourists from certain ethnic groups I dare not specify.
A little time invested in learning Luton’s ways, I say, would save them from so many misunderstandings, and good holiday time wasted in the stocks.
Be sure to stop at the hogglers’ stalls under the town clock to buy a bag of ‘fidgets’, tiny crayfish pies no bigger than thimbles. You’ll want to munch on them later as you watch the Morris dancers perform gaily in your inn courtyard!
Note: if by chance you bump into a local passerby on the pavement who is walking in the opposite direction, it is essential that you step at once into the gutter and let the other person ‘take the wall’. Personally, I think the failure to observe this simple etiquette is wholly responsible for the bad reputation acquired of late by tourists from certain ethnic groups I dare not specify.
A little time invested in learning Luton’s ways, I say, would save them from so many misunderstandings, and good holiday time wasted in the stocks.
