Long gone are the days when visitors complained of not being able to find the bathroom in their own hotel bedroom because of the thick carcinogenic smog!
Thanks to the Borough’s Clean Air Act (1999), smog is now confined largely to the south bank. It only becomes tiresome in the city during the August Potlatch Festival when, by law, all household items that have exceeded their guarantee period must be hauled into the public streets and burned to stimulate Luton’s household durables industry.
At other times, nothing whatsoever may be burned except for recreational pipes, cigars, narghals, cigarettes, hookahs, and the like, charged with cannabis or other approved holistic herbs. These may be purchased inexpensively in every tavern.
At last, roses may be grown outdoors. Even potatoes, I’m told, are making a comeback!
For those who would like to bring their own smoking supplies, here is my nephew’s favourite blend using lettuce leaves.
Prof John Yeoman’s Smoking Mixture
The following mixture is best smoked in pipes or rolled into cigarillos:
Take equal parts of the fresh leaves of lettuce, coltsfoot, mint, lavender and thyme. Soak them in honey or molasses water, mixed with saltpetre. Dry them slowly above an Aga or radiator.
When the lettuce is leathery but not crisp, cut it into shreds and blend it with the other herbs. Continue on the Aga until all reaches the desired dryness.
For added ‘bite’, a few leaves of apple or citrus fruits may be added. Feel free to experiment with other edible herbs, spices and flavourings. Licorice root comes highly recommended.
If your smoking mixture tastes acrid, it is too dry. Put it in the fridge for a few days, interleaved with carrot slices. In the event of a famine (rare in the city but not unknown in outlying villages), drop the whole lot into a casserole.
Thanks to the Borough’s Clean Air Act (1999), smog is now confined largely to the south bank. It only becomes tiresome in the city during the August Potlatch Festival when, by law, all household items that have exceeded their guarantee period must be hauled into the public streets and burned to stimulate Luton’s household durables industry.
At other times, nothing whatsoever may be burned except for recreational pipes, cigars, narghals, cigarettes, hookahs, and the like, charged with cannabis or other approved holistic herbs. These may be purchased inexpensively in every tavern.
At last, roses may be grown outdoors. Even potatoes, I’m told, are making a comeback!
For those who would like to bring their own smoking supplies, here is my nephew’s favourite blend using lettuce leaves.
Prof John Yeoman’s Smoking Mixture
The following mixture is best smoked in pipes or rolled into cigarillos:
Take equal parts of the fresh leaves of lettuce, coltsfoot, mint, lavender and thyme. Soak them in honey or molasses water, mixed with saltpetre. Dry them slowly above an Aga or radiator.
When the lettuce is leathery but not crisp, cut it into shreds and blend it with the other herbs. Continue on the Aga until all reaches the desired dryness.
For added ‘bite’, a few leaves of apple or citrus fruits may be added. Feel free to experiment with other edible herbs, spices and flavourings. Licorice root comes highly recommended.
If your smoking mixture tastes acrid, it is too dry. Put it in the fridge for a few days, interleaved with carrot slices. In the event of a famine (rare in the city but not unknown in outlying villages), drop the whole lot into a casserole.
