Contrary to malicious rumour, cholera is now almost a thing of the past. However, if visiting the Liberties of the south bank, it is advisable to drink only bottled water with three drops of bleach added per litre.
Beer, ale and Stum (fermented plum liquor) are quite safe at all times. They are strongly recommended for small children, the aged and the infirm for whom bleach, even in dilution, might prove deleterious.
Plague is a fac
t of life, of course. Thankfully, Yersinia pestis can be forecast with precision. It occurs precisely every five years when the city’s black rat population peaks. The next outbreak will occur in April 2010.Ebola outbreaks are less predictable. Any significant occurrence of ebola will be announced by the firing of a cannon and the raising of a red flag on the town hall roof.
In plague times, certain visitor attractions may be closed. However, hostelries will always then offer deep discounts. Plague years therefore provide a remarkable opportunity for the frugal visitor to enjoy Luton, undistracted by crowds, and on a budget.
Little risk is incurred. Plague infection cannot occur if a handkerchief is soaked in garlic and balsamic vinegar, and held tightly to the nose and mouth on all social occasions.
Nonetheless, in the event of infection, it is not advisable to present yourself at the Luton & Dunstable Hospital. (See Merry Tales.) Fortunately, there are many apothecary shops in Luton which - under the same roof - provide the services of barbers, surgeons, trepannists, geomancers, orthodontists, oculists, chiropodists, osteopaths, simplists and general medical factotums.
For most clinical emergencies, including plague, apothecaries are likely to recommend the Golden Balls of Hippocrates. These are a pleasing compound of laudanum and organic Free Trade sugar. They do no harm, refresh every organ, and are reliably helpful for ladies’ ailments.
Nonetheless, in the event of infection, it is not advisable to present yourself at the Luton & Dunstable Hospital. (See Merry Tales.) Fortunately, there are many apothecary shops in Luton which - under the same roof - provide the services of barbers, surgeons, trepannists, geomancers, orthodontists, oculists, chiropodists, osteopaths, simplists and general medical factotums.
For most clinical emergencies, including plague, apothecaries are likely to recommend the Golden Balls of Hippocrates. These are a pleasing compound of laudanum and organic Free Trade sugar. They do no harm, refresh every organ, and are reliably helpful for ladies’ ailments.
